Anger Management

Anger is the most experienced emotion that threatens to rule our lives. I believe that anger is a signal that denotes we are deprived of our needs without justification, our rights are infringed and our feelings have been hurt. Angry people like other angry animals look vicious. Anger signals a problem but venting anger is not the solution. Anger is responsible for strained relationship as it propels us to take action which we dare not take in the normal course. Anger is the memory of being hurt. To resolve your anger first possess your hurt. Medical parlance states that an uncontrolled anger can raise the level of energy hormones and adrenalin culminating in a paralytic stroke or even a cardiac arrest. Violent anger is said to be normally prevalent in families which are emotionally unbalanced and not adept at emotional communication. Anger is inevitable as our lives have to adjust to giving in and getting along with others. But when we voice our anger without clarity and control we give an impression that we are unbalanced and provide others with a notion not to take us seriously. When we are angry it is imperative that we state our thoughts and feelings clearly so that it is congruent with our values and beliefs. If we do not understand our anger we fail to clarify our feelings, thoughts and priorities culminating in endless bickering. An effective solution to counteract our anger is to analyze the real issue instead of getting embroiled in the bickering without actually knowing the cause.

I believe that one of the hall marks of emotional maturity is to recognize the validity of multiple realities and to understand that people think, feel and react differently.

When we use anger to determine our values, priorities and our needs we don't have to become distressed to note that we are unclear. However our lack of clarity does not tantamount to weakness, on the contrary it should be taken as a challenge, and our strength. It would be more appropriate if we could use our anger as a lever to change patterns. At times our anger creates a fear in us for we apprehend that our anger may be ridiculed by others. It is important to maintain a calm position when it involves bickering with close relatives to bring about a lasting change. There is nothing wrong in trying to change someone but normally this attempt to change others remains futile, abortive and self defeating. It is better to move away from such ineffective fighting and give up the fantasies about changing others or change yourself to adapt to circumstances without sacrificing your values. Change is easier when you share your intentions and progress with some one you care. It is said that people who try to change for the good are healthier and happier than those who stay in the rut. Sometimes we do not express our anger but tend to suppress it. This in fact triggers stress leading to a personality perpetually cynical and hostile. In such an event a compromise is healthier because one adjusts willingly and is aware what he is giving up without sacrificing his values. Every problem has a solution but when we find that this is not so always we succumb to anger and this leads to frustration. If frustration is not nipped in the bud it leads to depression. In depressive mood withdrawal symptoms take the better of the depressed person. The person becomes paranoid and is eventually beset with pathological symptoms.

Marital spats are harmful to life. After the initial euphoria of blissful married life wanes, Couples engage in interminable spats as they traverse on two different orbits. They realize that there is a stark contrast in all their views and total dissonance in all their tastes, likes and dislikes. It takes time for them to accept each others strength and weakness. Hence arguing becomes an inevitable part of married life. It is said that the nuanced interactions between the couples and how they react to and resolve the conflict goes a long way to make a meaningful difference in the health of the marriage and the health of the couple.

Management of anger is vital for a healthy relationship. Relaxation is an important tool for managing anger. There are other modes of managing anger as follows.

1. Take a deep breath and exhale slowly for a couple of times
2. Listen to your favorite music as it has a soothing effect on the mind. Music perhaps more than any external experiences have the power to bring you home to yourself.
3. Yoga and meditation helps in the long run.
4. Talk to your friend or close relative in whom you have confidence and unwind yourself.
5. Read a book.
6. Go for a long walk.
7. Avoid the situation leading to anger.
8. In anger if you blurt expletives apologise immediately. An apology does not lower your self esteem; on the contrary it enhances your self esteem.

Winning a war against exceptive is as vital as winning a war against terrorism. After all if character is lost, everything is lost. Life is a precious gift; one has to savior it and not makes it an endless series of chores.